What's in your purse?

The intellectuals say that your purse tells a story. They say that they can look inside that bag and tell you countless facts about yourself. Sometimes, a purse is just what it is, a bag that you can toss things into. My purse(s) seem to collect quite a bit of junk. When I empty it out, I can't remember where half of the stuff came from and when I put it in there. I don't organize it each time I switch bags so every so often I have to declutter. Tonight was one of those nights. And you know what? It wasn't that bad!

•  Really cute wallet that I got from Claire's
• Coach wallet- I haven't put all of my stuff into the wallet from Claire's
• Check book
• The address stamp that came on one of S's magazines. I left the mag at the airport and didn't want anyone to have his address
• Foundation stick
• chapstick(s)
• lipgloss
• lipstain
• Eyeliner
• Banana clip
• Comb
• Feminine wipes
• $6.13 in change
• White pen holder
• Mirror
• Floss
• Mousse and gel stick
• Random flower container that I keep Tylenol in
• Condoms- mom always said be prepared. It's habit now. I'm not planning anything babe! :)
• Few sticks of gum
• Pouch with tampons/pantyliners
• Random papers with scribbles
• My recruiters card(from jan of last year!!!)
• That is NOT my dip!
•  my friends business card
• Hand sanitizer
• Black nail polish
• Gummy snacks for my daughter. She's with her dad right now but sometimes I randomly toss a snack into my purse for her
• Hair ties
• Receipts

Normally there is so much stuff in my bag. I was a bit surprised at how little I had in there. What do you keep in your purse?

Money talks... even when we don't

This is a biggie. In fact, this is where my fiance and I will clash. Because we were raised differently, we value the dollar differently. He doesn't believe in excessive spending. Just because something has a name branded across it doesn't mean that you should pay 40x the asking price of the same object sans brand name, is his outlook. Where he is from, with a really small town country mentality, they work really hard for every dollar that they earn, and they spend it with all of the hard work it took to earn, it in mind. He will never reward himself with a nice pair of ferragamo loafers for a job well done. He has probably never even heard of them. So when he hears that i've spent $500 on a new purse, he finds it really offensive.

When I was a child, my mother instilled in me that although I didn't have to have name brand clothing, shoes, purses, if I wanted it, and everything else was properly taken care of, I should get it. I am just as likely to buy lingerie from Target as I am to buy from La Perla, Aubade, Agent Provocateur... I'm of the mind that as long as the bills are being paid, money is being saved, properly invested, i'm tithing, i'm giving to charity, and nobody or nothing is being shorted, I should be able to indulge every now and again.

He is definitely living up to the man role as I see it. He gets up every morning and goes to work. He pays the bills. He does yard work. He does everything that I think men are responsible for doing. I appreciate that. I adore that. It's one of the things that I love about him, as I believe in traditional gender roles -which is something you'll hear more about later. I don't want my spending to be a source of tension between us. At the same time, if it isn't creating a financial hardship, I don't want to give it up either.

I do have a job which I will maintain for at least the next four years. Right now I can justify spending money that i've worked for. What will change when i've given up working so that I can stay home with our babies? We're discussing a his, hers, and ours banking system. I'm not certain what percentage will be going where but I think it's important to maintain some sense of autonomy within our relationship and I think that will be encouraged by a bit of individual financial freedom.

I really need to come up with some kind of middle ground that we can meet at and both be happy.

There is no law demanding seperation between family and friend?!

I love my little brother. As often as he unknowingly slights me, he makes me smile. I've watched him grow into his own as a man and I still feel the need to baby and protect him. So, no girl will ever be woman enough and no woman will ever be good enough for him in my eyes. I think that if I could flip a switch and turn him back into the 13 year old boy who wanted to hang out with me, valued my opinions, and trusted me with his secrets, I would. He makes me shake my head sometimes and wonder what girls possibly see in him, but ultimately, he's my baby brother and I want the best for him. That includes the best person to compliment his life.

I love my best friend. She's just an amazingly wonderful person to have in your life. She is always smiling and bringing good vibes. She has a really pure spirit. You can always count on her to see the best in a person or situation. Because she's such a good friend to me, I want the best for her. I'm really critical of any man that she has an interest in. "I need his name, government issued and friend decided." "I need his first elementary school, mom's maiden name, height, weight, favorite color." "Allergies too because the first time he says something disrespectful or hurts you're feelings, he's going to be looking around for an epi pen!" "While you're digging up all of this information, why don't you get his ex's information as well, because inquiring minds want to know."

So what do you do when these two forces collide? Is the woman I previously saw as my best friend somebody that I now need to protect my little brother from? I'm going to have to kick his ass if he treats her badly. Treat them both the same and as if they aren't dating somebody that I love very much.

The reality is, normal "ugh, he pisses me the eff off" conversations will have a totally different tone when the rat bastard she is talking about is my brother. I will jump to his defense and make excuses on his behalf. When he starts talking about the hot piece of ass he saw at the strip club and considered taking home, i'm going to be offended on my bestie's behalf.

And the sex conversations? Not going to happen. Where as normally, i'm totally up for hearing about how her new beau put her to sleep, I don't have any interest in hearing about my brothers sexual prowess. And I don't want him to call me as i'm taking a swig of her chai tea to tell me how his gf learned a really nifty tongue trick from that porn they rented.

Should family always come first? I was raised to believe that no matter what, right or wrong, you stick by your family. Inside I can be hurt, crushed, and mad enough to spew molten lava, but all anyone will see on the outside is a big sister who loves her baby brother and will go to any lengths to protect him. I'm really hoping that as they continue to talk and get to know each other, my love for my brother isn't tested. If he breaks her heart, i'm going to have to break his face, but he will still be my baby brother. If she breaks his... he's my baby brother.

Damn it to hell! Much like there is a wall of seperation between church and state, there should be a seperation between your family and your friends. Dip your toe in if you want to. Flirt, have fun, whatever. But for God's sake, don't take off your clothes and jump in it! If you are both drowning at the same time, who do I save?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Maybe the right thing to do is to continue loving them both and make a refusal to play pro bono therapist to either of them when it comes to their dating lives.

Don't kiss and tell... it's rude.

He says he wants to talk. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait. Wait. Keep waiting...  "Babe, what's your number?" Wait just a little while longer, it's coming. "You know, how many guys have you been with?" There it is!

You get this deer in headlights look about  you. How do you answer his question without making yourself look like either a uptight prude or a slut? Are there rules to this game?

Kissing~ 0
Kissing w/ tongue~ .5
Kissing w/ same sex~ 1
Removal of outer garments~ .5
Undergarments~ 1
Sticking fingers into orifices~ 1.5 (yes, that hole only gets you 1.5 points)
Sucking him off~ 2
Going down on her~ 3
Him going down on you~ 2
Penis insertion~ 5
Anything other than a penis inserted~ 6.5

If  it happened on vacation, you get a pass. It doesn't bear mentioning unless something other than a penis was inserted. If it happened with a nameless person on your local turf, subtract 8 points you dirty, dirty girl.
Protection matters. If liquor was involved, don't add or subtract points. Unless protection wasn't involved, in which case, you must subtract 10 points. If a baby resulted and then he jumped ship, please take 25 points. If he gave you a.... You get the point.

I still haven't decided if you want to be in the negative or positive at the end of this game or what the design of my cards will be so I haven't sent it off to Mattel yet.

I actually don't believe any of that. I don't think that it should matter. Presumably if you are having sex, you've taken steps to make sure that you are both infection/disease free. You both want to stay that way. As long as your parts are in good working order, your sexual history didn't involve any trauma, physical/emotional that your partner should be made aware of, it's none of his damn business. If you want to exchange awkward, "my first time was..." stories, by all means, do so. Whether your number is low or high, it is your business.

Tell him that it's more than Sister Mary Francis and less than Jenna Jameson. As long as he's not going to send you a link to a redtube video with a picture of your face covered in.... I think you're fine.  And be sure to let him know that as long as his AKA isn't Randy Spears or Evan Stone, You don't care either.

If he looks at you like you're speaking German when you toss out these names, chances are you've landed yourself an uptight prude :D

When I'm walking around his hometown, I have no desire to know that the kindergarten teacher was his first, or that he had a threesome with the town drunk and the pastors daughter. I don't care if his number is 3 or 47. Likewise, my number should be of no consequence to him. The only thing that should matter is our sexual compatiblity, and future. I rarely think about my previous sexual partners. My fiance and I sometimes share horror stories but for the most part, I am just happy that we have each other in the now, and future.

Saying that the the number of people that a person has been with is rarely a contributing factor in their relationship is not my way of saying that sex is not a contributing factor in a relationship. It is! A relationship(with a s/o)  implies a closeness. How much closer can you get as a couple than being intimate? To completely open yourself to giving or receiving your partner physically allows you to be open to completely giving of yourself in other aspects of the relationship. So when you close yourself off sexually, you aren't just damaging your togetherness in the bedroom. You are closing off and shutting down lines of communication, trust, laughter... all things that keep a relationship healthy and thriving.

Hmmm... it sounds like i'm saying have sex with your love, lots of sex!

They made your bed, dont expect me to lay in it!

He doesn't know it yet but along with his new wife, is coming a new bed. When I was just some chick he was doing, it didn't matter. When I was a friend with benefits, the benefit was that he didn't really have to value my opinion as long as he valued my body. As his new girlfriend, his bed had a more permanent place in his life than I did. As his fiancee, i'm saying that his wife will want a new bed, one that he hasn't shared with other women.

It's not because I think that his thoughts will stray to all of the other women who have been in his bed while i'm in it. I just think it's symbolic. You wouldn't recycle an engagement ring(right?!). That's the safe haven where i'm going to make memories with my husband, create babies, heal emotional wounds, and escape from everyone in my life but the closest person. That isn't a space that i'm comfortable sharing with anyone else. Even if it is just their essence and not their memories or their presence.

Besides, I want to redecorate. Starting with the bedroom. I love him but he has no future in interior design. His house looks, well, like a single guy lives there. He hasn't been informed of this decision. Surely he knows though, right? A house doesn't become a home until a woman enters like a whirlwind and puts feminine touches in the most unexpected places and makes the house warm and inviting.

I never want him to be the husband who just sits around after work, making excuses not to come home. He will almost always come home to a clean house, a warm meal, generally happy children, and a wife in the mood to make love. Sometimes in the midst of bills, kids, life, the couple's marriage suffers. I don't ever want to be that couple. I will make a concentrated effort to keep the marriage lively and not turn into that couple

Why women need best friends.

I know that you are getting sick of hearing about cakes, dresses, a gift for my groom, wedding night sex, hair styles, shoes, cold feet, bikini waxes, all of it. I know that you are sick of hearing about it. You never tell me though. Instead you listen to me worry, you give me great, and not so great advice.

Maybe I didn't like you when I first saw you but I love you now. That's what counts, right?! Seriously, I haven't always been the most kosher person. You never judged me. If you did, you did it way secretly. *laughs* You have never asked me to change or alter who I am. Look what study groups, suck up soft cookies, and grande caramel frapps led to! I don't think very many people like you exist. I'm really lucky to have you in my life during this super special time. I hope that you are going to become a permanent fixture.



I hope that together we experience graduations, your wedding(not to the man in the alley who makes you do that unspeakable thing that you dont know you'll actually do because you haven't experienced it!), babies, redecorating, first days of school, anniversaries, all of that cheesy stuff.

First, we've got to get through Decemember. Are you ready? I'm warning you, it'll get worse before it gets better.

I love you.

The hardest part about long distance relationships

After the late night phone call and the final good night text, you still slide into a bed all by yourself. The nights when the phone call never comes are even worse. I was drifting off to sleep and I wrapped my arms around him, only to find that his body had a lot more give than normal. I opened my eye just a bit and realized that I was gripping my pillow and not him.

I really miss that guy.

Even though there is only a one hour time difference, it's difficult to sync our schedules. During the day he's working and I don't want to be the girl that calls all of the time and interrupts. During the evening he has other obligations. When he's hanging out with friends it's not like I can shout objection. He has to have a life and i'm not there so I don't get to be as involved in it as I would like. As great as I am (toot toot!), that doesn't mean he wants to spend hours talking on the phone when he could be out interacting with friends.

December can't get here soon enough.

Out with the old, in with the new?

Marriage is pretty much a combining of two lives. So with you, comes all of your crap. His or mine? whose fridge do we use? Do we keep the extra in the garage, store it or trash it? Which bed is better(different post!)? Do I really need to bring shoes that I haven't worn for 2.5 years? After all, I have to share a closet now! But what if I get rid of them and then find the perfect outfit that isn't so perfect anymore because I no longer have the shoes?!

More importantly, what about the friends that you've accumulated over the years? Mainly, friends  whose sex prevents them from using the same public restroom as you. How does your man feel about the way that you feel about your man friends? Confusing? Imagine how I feel!

Most of my friends are of the male variety. You can write one of those bare all books about the status of their relationships. Some are married. Some have girlfriends. Some are married and have girlfriends. Some are gay. Some are gay and married. Some are looking. Some are not. Some will forever be bachelors. And finally, I'm not one to toot my own horn(toot, toot!), but some think i'm attractive and want to sleep with me. Honestly, some have slept with me. What they all have in common is that they are some of my very best friends.

These are the guys that never stood me up, that told me when a dress really did make my butt look big, told me when a guy was out of my league, that let me know that just because a guy wasn't perfect, that didn't mean I could slash his tires, pour bleach on his clothes, tell his mama, and facebook status how bad he was in bed. These are the guys who told me when he was cheating, who let me cry, who later talked trash about me for not knowing I was being played,  and who took me out and showed me a good time so that I could build a bridge and get over.

I got so close to them by going out with them, by spending time with them, and by making an effort to get to know them. Each and every one of them respect the fact that I am happily engaged to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. They still consider me a friend though. They still want to hang out with me and shoot the shit like always.

When we go out, it is perfectly innocent. Whether it's the group of us or just two of us, we're just hanging out as friends.

So, what do you do when The Man in your life isn't comfortable with you spending time with your male friends when it's one on one? Do you ditch the guys or do you alter the relationships so that The Man in your life finds them acceptable? I know what you're thinking folks. "If he doesn't trust you, he has no business being with you." "Mmmm mmm, you don't have to change yourself for him." "Why do you need other men anyway when you have a fiance?"

 They aren't male friends. They are just friends... who all happen to have a penis. I understand where he is coming from as well though. Because listen, the first time some woman calls my house and says she's just a friend and wants to know if my fiance is up for hanging out or going to a movie because her boyfriend just broke up with her and she's feeling bummed, you will see my face plastered all over yahoo news.

Ok, ok... I guess I proved his point. No more dates with the guys.

I'm getting married!

I'm getting married in December. There is no way that I could possibly be any more excited than I am. He isn't perfect but he is perfect for me. I want to be his wife and the mother of his two(2) children. I want to wake up every morning pressed up against his chest and nestled in his arms. I want to play in parks and walk on beaches with him. I want to clean the house and make him breakfast on Sunday mornings. I want to cuddle on the couch and be content in our silence. I want to visit museums and go to spa's with him. I want picture dates and trips to San Francisco. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I can't wait to start living and continue loving with him.

Ha! My fiance is a country boy from, well, it doesn't matter. Point is, the couple in blue jeans and white tops, holding hands and walking barefoot on the beach will never be us. He would rather play cards and have a few beers with friends. Though he might go to a museum with me, the spa is definitely out. He thinks we should have four(4) or five(5) babies. San Fran is a bit too liberal for his tastes. And pictures? He doesn't see why he should take any. Don't worry. I WILL be putting some up on this site. Give me a few months.

It must be true that opposites really do attract. From our taste in food to our views on life, we are so very different.When i'm in his arms or he looks at me, nothing else matters. With his love I am so ready to tackle any problems we will face.

We live in different states right now and it's really hard. Having a relationship through sporadic visits, text, phone calls and pictures is no fun! He doesn't even know what skype is! lol. I know that in the end, all of this will have been worth it. The waiting, the longing, the disagreements via text, lonely days and nights, will be made worth it. He's worth it. I know that my life with him is worth it.